We all have them. Those things we say, those things we do, that just end up unintentionally funny.
Now, for this first one, you have to understand a few things. First, ‘lame’ is a disability-related pejorative I decided a while ago to excise from my vocabulary. Second, ‘lame’ is probably my father’s favorite pejorative, so one I grew up hearing whenever he didn’t like something or thought someone was behaving stupidly. Third, the boyfriend never says the word ‘lame’ – it just isn’t part of his day-to-day vocabulary.
So this evening, we were talking about something, and without thinking, I exclaimed, ‘That’s so lame!’ I froze as I realized what I said. Damn it damn it damn it, I did it AGAIN. As I froze, the boyfriend started cracking up, and I couldn’t help but join in. I KNOW this word is problematic. It’s actually very high on my most-hated-word list. And yet, time after time, I catch myself saying it. (I suppose I should be glad that I almost always catch myself. The boyfriend is good enough to point out to me when I don’t notice.)
This gets funnier because since I’ve known the boyfriend, I’ve made a concerted effort to swear less. I’m not very good at it. But you see, he rarely swears, and his parents just DON’T swear (and his parents are very religious, so ‘damn’ and ‘hell’ are not said as well), so I figure it’s for the best that I learn not to. Not to mention the fact that it’s inadvisable professionally. Now, what do you suppose I do when I realize I’ve said ‘lame’ as a pejorative? I start swearing. *FACEPALM* Sometimes, you can’t win for trying, and just have to admit that you fuck up. Er. Screw up. Um. No, wait. Mess up. Yes. That’s what I meant. Not ‘fuck up’, because I’m trying not to swear. Shit, this is hard. Agh! Damn it, I swore again! And now I’ve said ‘damn’. *HEADDESK*
The other moment of inadvertent hilarity was, likewise, entirely my fault. Poor Hudson’s ear infections haven’t gone away, so he’s now on an oral antibiotic as well as being treated with an ear cleaner and an in-ear antibiotic. The in-ear antibiotic has to be shaken. Because I’ve been sick, dizzy, and generally feeling like hell due to MY ear infections, the boyfriend has been doing Hudson’s ear treatments.
Tonight, the final night of his 3rd round of ear treatments, the boyfriend washed out Hudson’s ears, and went to put the in-ear antibiotic in. I noticed he didn’t shake it, so I said ‘Ah-ah,” trying to stop him from applying it. Unfortunately, that’s also the exact same sound I use to correct Hudson. Hudson was leaning away from the boyfriend, so the boyfriend assumed (quite reasonably) that I was correcting the dog for something and kept moving towards putting the antibiotic in Hudson’s ear!
In my rather dazed and muzzywitted state, I had to manage to come up with actual real words to explain to the boyfriend that he needed to stop. I somehow found them, thankfully, so Hudson’s ointment got shaken before it was applied, but it was a very near thing.
Yeah, we both had a good laugh over that, too.
Ah well, at least we can prove we’ve still got senses of humor.