Okay, folks, I’ve been meaning to write this post for almost a month now, and something pissed me off enough today that I’m finally writing it.
Service dog etiquette. I’ll be up-front and tell you that this is more about the ‘why’ than the ‘what’, because the ‘what’ is that damn simple. Seriously. Anyhow, on with the show.
The best of folks who aren’t service dog handlers often make slip-ups, not knowing that it endangers service dog users. Worse are those who don’t care, and I ran into one of those today! For the sake of simplicity, I am not writing about emotional support dogs. I just haven’t thought through how misbehaving around a person with an emotional support dog might affect them, but I would love to know more details.
The thing about a service dog is that in a way, the dog is about equivalent to a small child. They can be unbelievably clever, and can learn an incredible amount of service tasks. Particularly so with my Hudson, whose puppy raiser described him as an ‘electronic device with so many features, you didn’t even know what it could do’. However, for all that cleverness, they don’t have the reasoning ability of an adult human. They get distracted. This is true of even the best of them. Believe it or not, a sneak-pet or a sneak-feed can start unravelling the bond between service dog and handler.
I’m sure you’re thinking, how does my petting a service dog undermine his relationship with his person?
Well, it works in two ways. First off, my service dog works for me because he believes I am the most awesome person in the world and that all good things come from me. All petting, all praise, all toys, all games, his soft fluffy bed, all food, all treats – that all comes from me. Secondly, if someone other than me pets him, he starts thinking…oh, people will pet me. If people will pet me, it’s worth paying attention to people rather than my partner. If he pays attention to people rather than to me, I could have a nasty fall (among other things) – one that could injure both of us. Keep in mind when you read this that the average person who works with a service dog is more likely to be hurt, and hurt badly, by a fall. We tend to have service dogs because there is some kind of physical fragility or injury to us already, after all. When you’re dealing with guide dogs, I think the risk is even greater – a distracted guide dog might walk his person into traffic!
Here’s the part that people really struggle with, though – that applies to ALL forms of distracting him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t call his name. Don’t coo at him. Try not to stare at him. Don’t feed him. For heaven’s sake, don’t let your dog distract him, either! And dog distracting covers a lot – don’t let them sniff my dog, try to play with my dog, annoy my dog, and otherwise interact with him – I know your dog doesn’t know better, but you have to.
The best service dog etiquette suggestion I can give you is this: ignore the dog. I’m completely serious. If you can act like the dog is a cane or a crutch – something you make space for and try not to run into or step on, but nothing you pay any real attention to – you will be responding in the most appropriate way possible.
This kind of extends to how you talk to the service dog’s partners. Don’t get me wrong, I love Hudson dearly. However, it gets kind of annoying when EVERYONE has to ask me about my dog, and what he does, and how long we’ve been together, and tell me their story about their dog who’s just like him except small and brown and white (sadly, not an exaggeration). I love my dog, and dogs in general, but I like being a normal person, too. On bad days, I begin to feel like a zoo animal. People stare, and gee everyone wants to get all touchy-feely with me and my dog and know all about me. And I’ll admit, on those days, when I catch someone staring, I stare straight at their face, waiting for them to notice that I’ve seen them and then I raise my brows as if to ask ‘can I help you?’ On good days, yeah, I can dig that someone isn’t used to seeing a dog around and wants to share their affection for them, or hey they’re so surprised they just don’t know what to do. And yeah, some of the stuff my dog can do is really damn cool, and on good days, I even like showing off some of it. (Even on bad days, hearing someone exclaim over Hudson doing things like pressing door buttons and giving my wallet to cashiers doesn’t bother me. Most people would never even think of using a dog for a quarter of the things Hudson can do for me, and maybe seeing me will get them re-thinking what a service dog is capable of and who might use one.)
I’ll be frank with you – if you’re a stranger, and I’m politely answering your questions about my dog and what he does for me, I’m humoring you and it’s entirely dependant on MY good humor. On a bad day, you’re going to get short answers. Mad? Why? Do I owe you my attention and my time? If the answer was yes, you need to take a good hard think about that. It’s not about politeness, it’s about an expectation that I have an obligation to let you pry into my life. And if you ask me his name, I’m going to lie to you because when people bandy his name around, he knows it and he starts paying attention to that instead of to me. It’s a lot easier to just politely smile and give a false name than it is to explain this whole thing. I have a limited amount of capacity for explaining Service Dog 101, and some days I’m just not up to giving that schpiel to strangers.
You speak to a deaf person, not their interpretor. Yes, their interpretor turns your voice into sign and their signs into voice to translate, but they aren’t actually a part of the conversation.
You don’t move a person in a wheelchair as if they were a cart in the way, nor do you touch their wheelchair without permission any more than you would their person.
It’s the same with my dog. I know, he’s there, he’s got an adorable mug, and he’s kind of hard to ignore – much like an interpretor or a wheelchair (er, well, okay, I don’t know about adorable mugs…) But he’s there to help me, not for the rest of the world. Please, try to remember that the next time you’re around a service dog pair.
(I’ll probably post another time about service dogs and medical professionals, because believe it or not I’ve had a lot of low-level problems with them, to the point where I’m tempted to see if any of the local medical schools will let me come in and talk to their students about how to act around us. There should also be a later post about how my dog is my personal space, theoretically. If they don’t show up, blame the maybe-absence-seizure things.)
Oh, and if you’re curious about the person who pissed me off today? A woman passed me with a small dog on a leash. The dog was utterly out of control, lunging to the end of the leash, no leash manners whatsoever – something I see rather often with smaller dogs because people think there’s no harm. It was also barking its head off. The dog BIT HUDSON’S TAIL! Fortunately, it just came away with a bit of his fur and didn’t scratch his skin at all. The woman didn’t even stop, and when I said ‘Hey, your dog just BIT mine!’ she still didn’t stop. I couldn’t believe it, and my service dog was upset enough that he had an accident on the sidewalk not much later.
This a great post and totally outlines the reasons why touching and asking about SDs all the time is rude and annoying. It’s straight up dangerous as well.
I came over from FWD and just wanted to say thanks for writing this. I would never try to touch someone’s service dog, but it didn’t occur to me that unabashedly staring would also be distracting and potentially detrimental. I will definitely keep that in mind from now on.
Thank you for reading and caring about it! So much of what goes wrong with service team/public interactions is a result of simple lack of knowledge. Learning and sharing make a huge difference in our futures!
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by mk Eagle, Annelise. Annelise said: More on service dogs, this time on service dog etiquette, via FWD: http://is.gd/52aZP. […]
You speak to a deaf person, not their interpretor. Yes, their interpretor turns your voice into sign and their signs into voice to translate, but they aren’t actually a part of the conversation.
Ah… you assume that people DO talk to the actual person and not the interpreter! People are allllways talking to my terp instead of me, and even when I’m in public with my hearing SO(s), once people realize that I’m deaf and they are hearing, they will also attempt to talk through whatever hearing person I’m with.
Not meaning to derail, but people’s rudeness and lack of knowledge about etiquette extends to all kinds of disabilities, not just service dogs.
But thank you for posting this. Part of my shock about the behavior around SDs is this: approaching and interacting with a strange dog without the owner/handler’s permission is NEVER a good idea, working dog or not!
There is a woman in one of my classes who is sight impaired and uses a service dog. We have become friendly, partially through complaining about the wild things people do in response to our disabilities. One of my classmates personal rules is to keep her dog’s name a secret in order to discourage interaction.
Actually, I meant that to be part of my point! People screw up all kinds of disability-related etiquette, including the examples I put out.
In my first year, I had a classmate who was deaf. I was horrified when I noticed how many of my fellow classmates and professors talked to her ‘terps instead of to her. I couldn’t believe that they were having these thoroughly de-personalized interactions with her. I’ll admit, as someone who signs just enough to understand but not enough to really communicate, I like having the ‘terp in the corner of my vision, so I can say something if I think I’m not being accurately translated, but the main of my attention HAS to be on the person I’m communicating with.
…but then, I actually took sign language in college, and one of the things we talked about was basic etiquette. I try to think of the ‘terp as being like…the phone line in a telephone conversation. Something that transmits the conversation but isn’t part of it.
I, too, keep Hudson’s name mostly a secret. My close friends know his name, but they also know that they are to call him ‘Bandit’ when they speak about him. If people ask for a name, I give them ‘Bandit’ because it means nothing to my dog but gives them the satisfaction of having a name. It’s easier than explaining time and again why strangers can’t know his name!
Thank you so much for the post. I’m about to get my first SD. I’m attempting to educate myself about the interactions of service dogs and the public. I need to take the dog out so I’m trying to figure out what to expect.
I would have never thought of lying about his name while out and about. I’m sure I would have figured it out eventually but the advanced warning is excellent.
As for one of your questions, my SD is for bipolar and anxiety issue. It is going to be very important that I’m the source of all good things in his world. This dog isn’t even looking for an actual signal. He is going to be watching for my breathing rate to start to increase when I’m feeling closed in. Then he can lead me out of the situation. After I’m recovered he gets his reward. If he’s playing with the kids that I’m sure he’ll attract, he’d never notice that small sign.
My trainer is going to teach him a really cool trick to help and deal with the public because I really don’t want other people in my bubble. I say “go say hi” and he will step about 3 feet forward and block me with his body. When they said they could do that, I was so relieved.
We actually use ‘go say hi’ as well. It’s Hudson’s command that lets him know that it’s okay to interact with other people. In general, he only gets it when he’s out of harness, so that he associates being in harness with not being able to have contact with other people.
If your dog is anything like Hudson, keeping that level of attention on you will be hard at first, and will require a lot of work. Fortunately, it gets easier as you go along.
Expect that you will have to – HAVE TO – tell everyone in your life not to interact with the dog multiple times. And expect that they will screw up at least some of the time. When they screw up, you do need to remind them that they are misbehaving and endangering you. My somewhat senile granny can’t remember that she’s not supposed to pet him. The first time my father met Hudson, he gave him a command, even though he’d been warned for months about the way he needed to act around the dog.
I think it’s great that your trainer is able to put together a set of tasks for your dog that will really customize him to your needs. A lot of Hudson’s customization is things I’ve taught him since I got him home. The place I got him from has a standard set of tasks (which involves a LOT of varied tasks), and beyond that, they teach you how to train the dog to do new things.
I definitely would say that you should make sure your trainer teaches you how to train the dog to new tasks. Sometimes you don’t figure out until you’ve had the dog that there’s something else you need them to do.
Best of luck with your new partner!
thank you for this!!! I have a SD and I go through those exact experiences on a daily basis as well. I wish people knew self control and respect.
Thanks for the article, there are a few people I will make copies for so they MIGHT get a clue. Unfortunately my guy is so well behaved and nice everyone wants to come up to him, this might jhelp slow people down. Some people ignore me and talk to him. I never thought about using not his name instead of telling people what his name is. I’ll do that from now on, thanks! Re: talking to the terp rather than the deaf person – A friend is deaf, she was a school teacher in another life and is extremely intelligent. Her ability to read lips is remarkable. I will confess that when people are calling her name as she walks away with her back to that person and they think she is being rude it delights me to tell them how ignorant they are and that unless you look a deaf person in the eye and talk to them, they will have no idea you are there. Working with the deaf taught me to always look at THEM and that they respond only to visual stimuli or vibrations. I taught a group of deaf kids to SCUBA dive and had a great time. I taught them to dive, they taught me to sign – and taught me how to act around the deaf.
I think my habit of wiggling a hand in someone’s line of sight to get their attention comes from working with people who are deaf. I use it for things like getting the attention of someone on the phone, and for conversations with people who are hard of hearing or deaf. It’s the most polite way I’ve found ot signal that I want the attention of someone who, for one reason or another, I can’t just speak to.
My boy is well-mannered, curious, and very people-loving. I have to cut people off from talking and attempting to pet ALL THE TIME. It’s all the harder because he wants it. A few weeks ago, the blasted dog licked my boss at a party! He knows he can get away with more in crowds, because people are closer and I’m usually paying more attention to my surroundings than usual. It’s irksome and it means I have to keep him on a super-short leash up against my leg at all times, which is less than comfortable for both of us. If he behaved better, I’d be able to let him rest on a longer leash, but he takes advantage of that to go sniff and try to make friends with other people.
Also, please feel free to make copies for people! I do ask that you make certain to cite me and give my blog address on your copies.
I too have a service dog and was sitting having dinner at a restaurant with my family when a couple finished their meal and got up walked up to to my dog, said nothing to us and began petting him. I was dumbfounded. The Do not Pet and Do not Distract I am a Service Dog were clearly visible on his vest! I am angry at myself because I did not say anything and this is not the first time this has happened. People have got to be educated! It is not O.K. To pet, distract, talk to, feed, or do anything to service animals without the handlers permission! My dog is also a therapy dog, I trained him for therapy work first, then I became disabled, he is a pit bull and an ambassador for his breed so when we are out in public when asked and if the situation is appropriate I will let you pet him to help change the opinion of the breed but its because my disability isn’t so severe that his attention has to be on me so intently. But people need to understand that that is not the usual case! I so totally understand your need to vent!
Oh, man, can I relate!! I have EDS, albeit a MUCH milder form, and have never had arches in my feet. I developed severe arthritis in my knees by my early 20’s, and injections were of such short-term usefulness that I had to stop. But what’s really disabling for me is a mix of mental disorders that were initiated or exacerbated by my stepmother’s physical and emotional abuse when I was aged 10-16. My service dog is a godsend, but public ignorance has driven sometimes my stress levels up to where I’ve questioned whether the benefits outweigh the liabilities.Your description has given me considerable food for thought and made me glad that I bought a Dog Flag for his leash that reads “Ask Before You Approach” but regret my decision to buy several shirts that identify him by name because I’d grown so tired of introducing him and giving him permission to “Say ‘Hi!” everywhere we go. It doesn’t help that he’s an almost painfully cute poodle mix! LOL Thanks for an outstanding article.