…yes, my fiance actually said that. It actually happened. You see, Hudson has allergies, so he has to take medication to manage them. Typically, my fiance stands behind Hudson, holding him and opening the dog’s mouth, and I use the piller to shoot the pills into his throat. This puts Hudson’s head right next to my fiance’s crotch. Hudson has had itch issues, which make him shake often…and thus, my poor fiance’s crotch was whacked.
Sadly, it’s happened twice. In his words, “My penis failed its saving throw versus the dog’s ear.”
Other awkward things that happen when you live with a service dog…
Hudson has gone to ‘get’ my fiance (a command that typically involves jumping on him) when said fiance was lying down, and put one of his front paws on my fiance’s groin.
That wasn’t the first time he’s done something…interesting when sent to ‘get’ my fiance. Very early on, ‘go get <fiance>’ just meant making contact of some kind – usually Hudson nosed my fiance. My fiance was asleep, and because we’d just moved into the house (and my bedframe had been destroyed by people at my old apartment), we had the mattress on the floor. I told Hudson to go get my fiance, and he decided to lick my fiance’s armpit. I, of course, started cracking up. My fiance was very…confused.
Finding doghair in your crotch (no wonder it was itchy! Disturbingly frequent discovery, however.)
Getting nosed on the nipple (agh, he does that so often)
Going to step out of bed and finding that your toes are nudging the dog’s crotch (or that you’ve just plopped your feet ON him)
The dog bowing in front of you…with his hind end pointing at you, like he’s presenting his ass to you. Somehow he always does this one with his tail curled up and towards his back, which just highlights his anus. (Unfortunately, he rather often farts in that position…)
And speaking of farting, Hudson has this tendency of farting when we’re in the bathroom. I don’t know how much of my noticing it is confirmation bias, but especially if I’m um on the toilet a while, I’ll hear him passing gas.
Hudson loves standing right in front of me, facing towards my right (where the coffee table is). Thing is, he stands really, really close, leaning against me, and our height matches up so that his sheath rests against my left knee.
One more quote from my oh-so-amusing fiance: “His tongue is relentless!” (darn dog makes brushing his teeth difficult by working very hard to lick the toothpaste)